Breaking up with someone whom you love so much is unbearable pain. This is a kind of pain that we can’t get rid of easily. Sometimes we make wrong decisions by getting emotional that hurt our life. So, is it possible to fix this problem? The answer is “YES”. If you use the power of no contact after a break-up, you might minimize the psychological pain and someday might be free from the pain.
No contact is so powerful because it enables you to go through an actual process of personal development. It’s a way to recalibrate and to find a sort of equilibrium in your life. It can also get her/him back in your life.
No Contact After Break-up Psychology
No contact means creating a void between you and your ex. In other words, we can say that no more texting, no more calling, and stop seeing each other in real life. It also means no more sending emails to him/her or interacting with their social media posts and stop sending them funny pictures, memes that you find, or commenting on their friend’s pictures in which they appear. It is a mindset of putting yourself first and accepting the break-up to focus on yourself.
When you break up with somebody, they pull away from you. They leave you and expect you to chase, wanting you to put up a fight because you’re scared of losing. Expect you to come back and try to convince them of a relationship.
Now, if you go into no contact straight away, that’s a counterintuitive thing to do. You almost push them away and say it’s okay. I don’t care. Go left, and I’ll find somebody else. My value is high enough that I can find somebody else. That’s the message you send. You might have heard that the silence is deafening.
Its true silence is much more powerful than words. Trying to fight and explain to your ex why they should be back with you in a relationship is not as effective as going no contact. Because the moment somebody leaves you, they think you have low value.
You’re unattractive. There’s a reason why they’re pulling away. Usually, it’s because they lose attraction to you. Either you’ve done something which has turned them off, or you’ve been acting in a way that turns them off. So, no contact is a solution for you to stand up again.
Factor Affecting the Duration of No Contact Rule
Many people believe that the length of time an abuser or stalker must abide by the “no contact” rule before being able to have any form of communication with their target is dependent on the severity of their actions. According to Dr. Rebecca J. Burns, Associate Professor in Psychology at Villanova University, this notion is not entirely accurate.
“It’s not dependent on the severity of their actions. In fact, stalking is a crime and it doesn’t matter what you’re telling them as long as there is some request for communication.” “In terms of an order from the court, it depends if it’s a domestic violence or civil harassment case. It can be one to three years that the person is required to maintain no contact.
The reason it can be longer in domestic violence cases is because any communication increases your risk for re-assault. There’s research showing this. “The minimum period of exercising no contact is two weeks. But I prefer at least one month. However, a month could not be enough for you. It depends on a few factors. Such as:
- Length of your relationship.
- The reason for the break-up.
- If you have shared any child or property with her.
- How was the ending?
- Are you cheated by him/her?
There are more reasons. Different people have different types of stories, different types of scenery, and different types of cases. I just shared a few common factors with them.
An Effective Way to Use the No Contact Rule
As you are not contacting her, sometimes you could miss her. And it makes you feel weaker. So, you can follow the following ideas:
- Make yourself busy. (Most effective)
- Focus on your job and try to be more productive.
- Try to avoid such a type of activity that reminds you about her.
- Do some physical exercise.
- Go for a walk.
- Go outside of the home and help the poor people.
- Read books.
- Write a diary to express your feelings.
- Take an extra precaution not to be contacted by her. Delete all the numbers of hers from your mobile phone and make sure that it doesn’t happen again.
- Rebuild yourself as you are very weak now.
- Get rid of all the pictures that you have with her because it just reminds you of her.
- Change your job if possible, as her presence makes you feel weak and negative.
- Do not give yourself to these bad emotions if she contacts again.
- Just disconnect the network or delete number from mobile phone. You do not need to be with her again.
They have the right to get into a new relationship. There is nothing to worry about. Even you might find someone too. Stop expecting from your ex. If you stop expecting, you will be free from the pain soon. You don’t need your ex to be happy in your life. You can choose to want to be with them, but you should never feel like you need them.
Even if they try to make you jealous by rebounding in a new relationship, ignore him/her and keep patience. Once she becomes tired, attracted by the mystery that you’ve created around yourself by applying the no contact rule, they will probably try to reach you again.
In 30 days, you will create a new environment where your ex is no longer present. You will find a new way to live and find a new routine to follow. You will also find new ways to spend time and make yourself happy. These all will happen because you are trying to forget your past and build your presence through the no contact rule. You will find a new way to fill up your loneliness. In a word, no contact forces you to change yourself.
Things You Should Avoid During Those 30 Days
- Don’t call or send messages to your ex.
- Try to avoid those places where that person frequently goes.
- Stop discussing him/her with others.
- Please don’t blame him/her.
If you do those activities pointed above, you will remind your ex again, and you will start to miss her and feel weaker. Even you might decide to break the no contact.
The Benefit of No Contact Rule
Rebound You and Your Ex
Going through no contact resets a relationship. They now think that you have a higher level of value in the relationship than having a low value down. When you pull away and they pull away, you also create sexual tension and anxiety in the relationship, which is very important because this will get the person back. Your ex is going to think about you.
They’re going to start to miss you; they’re going to start to wonder what you’re up to. You create tension; you create a challenge; you create anxiety, all of these things which are very important if you want to get somebody back into a relationship with you. They need to focus on you first of all. The best way to do that is to go no contact after a break-up. It’s very effective. Go no contact after a break-up. It’s a very effective way to get an ex back.
The Fading Effect
The fading affect bias is a psychological term. It applies to conflict. If you have a conflict with somebody, if you have stress, an argument, a problem with a girl or guy, and you have difficulty after four weeks, the emotions surrounding that conflict start to evaporate, and they start to fade away. The person doesn’t feel as aggressive or upset or defensive towards you, so it becomes easier to reach out to them after that time.
Take Control of Yourself.
You might have lost control of yourself by getting in a relationship. Going through no contact will bring that control back.
Improve Your Personality
No contact will also improve your personality because you are not begging your ex. Instead, you are keeping your patience and trying to avoid any types of contact with your ex.
No contact helps you to focus on yourself. Stop living in your ex’s world. Just focus on your dreams, ambitions, and your goals.
Teach You to Control an Extraordinary Situation
As we all know, a break-up hurts like hell. You are chasing; you are not getting weaker. Instead, you are keeping your patience. You are learning how to control this type of extraordinary situation.
No contact will heal you, and eventually, you will be an average person again. It gives you time to change yourself. If you have any bad habit, why your ex left you, you can change yourself now.
Recover You From a Break-up
If they don’t come back to you, you won’t feel bad. Now you are not expecting your ex to come back as you are in no contact. You will find your world and a new routine to maintain your life, and soon, you will recover from the break-up.
Frequently Asked Question
Why No Contact?
There are tons of ways to relieve heartbreak. But if you want to get rid of this pain soon, you should follow the no contact rule. It can help you snap out of that bubble. Quite frankly, no contact is so powerful because it enables you to go through an actual personal development process. It’s a way to recalibrate and to find a sort of equilibrium in your life. It can also get her/him back in your life.
Do They Miss Me?
The answer could be yes or no at the same time. If she is dating someone better than you and who is making him/her happier, she might not miss you, or if she has cheated with you, then she might not miss you. But if the case is not like that, if she is asking about you to your mutual friend, I can firmly tell you that she is missing you. Also, here is a chance to get your ex back.
What Should I Do if She/He Is Missing Me or Not Missing Me?
My answer is very clear here. Stop obsessing about whether your ex is thinking of you or not. Why am I telling you that? Well, it will give you more pain. It makes you feel weaker. It also makes you more likely to break your own. So, it is better if you stop thinking about this matter.
Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped?
Yes. The principle of no contact works even if you were dumped or he ended the relationship because there was a disagreement. It’s still important to have a cooling off period, but it doesn’t mean that the man has moved on and found someone else although this will happen eventually as long as your boundary of no contact is enforced.
How To Make a Man Miss You?
The first thing to understand is that if he really loves you, he will miss you. If the two of you are separated for business or family reasons, then missing each other can be expected because no matter how much love there is between them, they can’t always be together. It’s only when one partner doesn’t really love the other that they have difficulty being in contact.
Now, it’s time to follow the no contact rule. Focus on yourself and work on your self-esteem. Try to control your emotion. Don’t give the responsibility of your own happiness to anyone else. You are the only one who can control your life. No one will be able to disrespect you if you don’t allow them. Chase your feelings about your ex, recover yourself, make a new environment and improve your personality. So, go ahead and start to apply the no contact rule.